One year has brought a lot of changes. Since that day when I first heard Corticobasal Degeneration I have thought about life and death almost non-stop. Loss is the word of the day, every day, and getting showered and dressed is a major undertaking. Laughter comes more easily and tears not as often. Spring arrived in its encouraging way, summer shone brightly and autumn glows in its wake. Yes, life goes on. We lost a dear aunt and welcomed two new people into the family: One son has a wife and another a son. Dear Grand-girl smiles and plays and laughs, and offers her little hand in assistance when I struggle to move. Son and wife cook and clean, keeping the house running, and dear husband attends my needs as best he can. The others who live away call or text so I'm in the loop of their lives and friends make sure I get to church or wherever it is I need to go. I'm learning how to paint and sew, and I occasionally sing. It's all very good.
One of my Calgary doctors called to ask how I'm doing. Very kind. She also told me I showed cognitive changes in tests last spring. These changes mean I have a hard time organizing or following any thought in a straight line. So not normal! My memory is going and my sense of smell is already gone. The cognitive changes with this disease are significant, she tells me. Not as bad as Alzheimers, but significant. I can tell. I become agitated easily, have no tolerance for conflict and just about lose my ability to speak when I'm nervous or upset. If you are hanging out with me please know it's me not you, and be patient. Support, doc says. Got any? Yes. Some days I feel loved and helped andsecure. Some days I don't. What this looks like down the road frightens me when I think about it. I chose not to think about. Much.
I'm thinking about paint and how fun it is to render a flower in my unique way. This sewing machine calls for attention and the sun wants me to walk. I walked to a neighbor's house yesterday. It used to be a quick sprint. Now it's a mountain. I had to find out if Mr was recovering well from surgery. He is, and grateful they got it all. All the offspring were reported on and thanks given for a long life well lived. They are turning 80! Truly inspirational to me. I'll go again.
When you think of me, pray that I am comforted in my losses and encouraged daily. This is important and the essence of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. Refuse worry. Look for joy. Sing.
