Now

There is very little to learn about CBD because there is very little known. Neurology as a field of study is vast but full of theory, it seems. Doctors explain it as a broken link in the chain of instruction that makes the body work. The break is at the beginning,  which explains why everything is affected,  and it is a long chain. It takes 6-8 years to break every loop. At that point, or earlier,  the sufferer will likely die from pneumonia since the muscles required to cough no longer function well. Eating is compromised due to bad messaging, along with the ability to walk and talk.  There are a couple of pages online where caregivers and sufferers share experiences and it is frightening. I keep hoping it won't happen to me but see too many examples like mine that I must admit it likely will.  While the future used to hold promise (that is, much to do once I'm finished raising kids) it now makes me cry. There is no guarantee that anyone has a future, though. When I was in my 20s and my father in law said 'all we have is now' I dismissed it. He was right.

All I  have is now. 

I have now to drink in a kind greeting or happy shout, rejoicing that I can still respond. I have now to play little games with my grandchildren as if we're sharing the best of jokes.  I have now to enjoy food and flowers,  sunshine and song,  and the many parts often unnoticed.  All the while I'm being tumbled through life like seaglass through the waves.  In the end I'll be something different because of the tumbling.  I'll be softer around the edges, probably more collectable than useful.  And, I hope,  more beautiful than ever.