Questions without answers

Questions without answers plague body and soul 

Friends not friendly, can’t join them, pondering life 

My violin playing was never fantastic, but decent 

Often dancing, always happy

And improving, until I couldn’t 

The intriguing voice of the mandolin drew me aside 

Finding the joy of its singsongy way cheerful, happy 

Once tamed, it played well with others, my mandolin 

I was never fantastic playing it, but I was decent 

And improving, until I couldn’t 

Guitar made room for what I really love and crave: singing 

Singing with it, chords, fingers, resonant, responsive

Songs, hymns, spiritual songs, old, new, fun, stories 

Filled my soul with gladness, wanting to share 

Delights, hardships, love, pain, joy,suffering and sorrow 

Raising new heights, once thought impossible 

All the stories of all the people 

Shared burdens, secrets, the real person, with the guitar 

Sometimes sweet, loving 

Sometimes loud, boisterous, delighted and free 

Sharing feelings, thoughts, ideas, what I know and don’t 

My playing and my singing was eager, imperfect 

Always improving, until I couldn’t 

Until I couldn’t 

Drive the car, climb the stair, hold the strings, open the voice, join the group, take the lead, perform, stand ...

The instrument opened doors, erased shyness, steadied 

Thoughts, poetry, wanting to hide, stay safe, but going 

Inside, the music took over, loosening the mind

Freeing the soul to talk, taste, see, hear, discord, harmony 

Voice, songs, solos, shows, successful and not, some 

Failure, move-the-finger-a-little-this-way correction 

Elation, finally hearing right 

Sing, play, sweet harmony, rich and full

Fiddles dancing 

Mandolin twinkling, singing, moody

Guitar, voice, songs rising, telling the stories 

Joining the banjos, bass, keys, whistles, accordion 

Until I couldn’t 

Interest in the music or the musician, giver or gift

Languishing relationships once thought whole, meaningful 

Soon become a short call or note

Hello on the street, in the shop,  at functions 

become hollow, vague, polite but disinterested 

Because I couldn’t do the things, go the places 

Appearance, nothing in common 

I did it all 

Until I couldn’t 

Disease does not define me 

My Identity is the same, only my body, a diseased tent

Slow, quiet, sincere, still myself, needing music

Friendship, fun, conversation, challenge 

Questions without answers plague body and soul 

Friends not friendly, Near but very far

Farther away, in time the activity matters more 

All about performance, it always is, admit it, 

Disease separates, pulling apart the best intentions 

Until the soul of the person is crushed, broken 

No longer challenging, increasing or raising the spirit 

Disease isolates, away from health, activity 

 friends forget 

I’m a mother, musician, teacher, student, cook, listener 

Friend, Artist, organizer of people, events and things 

Until I couldn’t 

Disease wants to define me, keep me down

No. No. Not happening 

My world is small but must increase 

Come, People my world, reject fear, explore ‘what if’

Know the Privilege of walking alongside disease 

Right to the end 

You know the body decays, everyone dies?

Realize the privilege and growth, the possibilities 

Gained by walking through the days, all the way 

With someone who is dieing

Privilege offered carefully, vulnerability shows

Refuse fear, trust the process, learn and grow 

By visiting the ill, the elderly, visiting me 

Today, every day, any day 

I challenge you, visiting me is mutually beneficial, no fear

I remain your friend, with or without music

Or teaching, serving, cooking, organizing, art-ing

All you have to do is remember our friendship 

honour it, including me in your busy life 

Illness need not separate or isolate, 

Fear is the enemy - of friendship, hope, joy - not disease

Come, visit, invitation open to enjoy company 

In New and different ways.

Come