Tuesday, 29 April 2014

All okay?

It will be all right? Since when? Being sick isn't all right.  Suffering isn't. Dieing isn't.  What is right here?

I wish I knew.

I used to think I understood some things,  mostly through trial and error. I've had a lot of that. Some of what I know comes from having children.  They showed up my inadequacies really well and propelled me towards love and knowledge. Much was learned from sharing life married to a man as unlike me as black is from white. God used my family to help me understand life and love,  and I'm  grateful. This lesson, though,  isn't learnt yet.

I'm reminded of truth daily but it doesnt really lift the burden to know my life is in His sovereign hands (though it is a comfort). Nor do I feel better knowing that somehow some good will come out of this,  even though I've seen good come out of bad many times.  The knowledge that everyone has some sort of burden doesn't help.  Mine seems. ?... worse. ? Selfish sort aren't I?

The real question,  I suppose,  is how do I adjust the load to make it all right?

I've decided.  I will learn to be content in whatever state I'm in. My study is years old (it's a hard lesson or I'm bad at it. I don't know) and I'm thinking it's close to exam time. I've always passed before. I will again.  

So. It'll be all right.

Join with me as I learn?

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