Un birthday

Anyone who has a January birthday is likely aware of the celebration problem. You know the Christmas hangover.  Parties are just too hard. After having a baby born in January I was determined to keep her birthdays alive and happy. Her party would often be near Valentines Day since it was always easy to gather friends by then. My birthday, however, was still hard to celebrate.  In my youth we were often snowed in, flu-ed in or broke-in.  No one was into a party. My solution, and I wish I'd thought of it sooner,  was to move my birthday to April.  My un-birthday was today.  I slept in,  sewed,  visited, had special food  and watched a movie. It was a fun and special day.

In the movie it was said to keep memories with lots of pictures. I'm not very good at that any more. Since I've been sick I don't feel like carrying stuff with me and I'm often too distracted to remember. It's a 'thing'for me. Weird, but it's as if I ruin the moment by photographing it. Even when my friend was dieing I could not take pictures. Thankfully one of my boys insisted so I have one good photo memory of the two of us.  She is smiling and cheerful,  as always,  and I was glad to be there with her. Even though she had every reason to be afraid, angry and depressed she always laughed and shared, and cared about others. She always looked for the bright side of things and never complained. Even her last moments were spent talking and laughing with her sisters.

My life was changed during that year of her dieing. She displayed such courage in the face of death that I was forced to examine myself to see how I could come even close to the hope and cheer that she lived.  Every time I'm tempted to feel sorry for myself I am reminded of her Hello and her cheerful laughter, and I look for it again. It's hard to find sometimes.  Things like this un birthday do it.  Eating candy instead of supper,  nerf wars, listening to old music,  making funny faces at the kids,  and playing silly games do it for me too.  I'm the sort of serious that finds it hard though. I need lots of practice if I'm going to be any good at it.   

I think it's true. It's the pictures you don't take that you regret, and the times you don't laugh.