My daughter, , for instance, confessed that she was not a Christian when she was in early adolescence. I brought her and Emto another community  to go to high-school in 2012. Our boys were all living here in the house so the move was was more than going to school. I wanted them to know their brothers well. I suspected that I was suffering the beginnings of something serious, as well, and I didn’t want the girls and their education to be neglected because of my issues. Looking back I realise that I was ill but I was unhappy too, and I was not open about that with John, or anyone. Our marriage was not in trouble, as was the speculation gossip, but it was suffering my grief and fear over losing my “life “ to this disease. Learning that the disease itself won’t kill me, but I’ll wish it did, focused my thoughts sharply on the girls. I needed to finish well with them and couldn’t afford the time to wait for John. His work/ministry was intense and consuming. He couldn’t drop it and drive away. I believe I did right thing. J supported the plan, facilitated the move and paid our way. We began to live away during the school year and go home to be with with J and our son and his family, on holiday time. I worked at the school and we lived in what was meant to be the garage of our house.

That was a mistake. It was simply too easy for the girls to slip in and out noiselessly. After living in the country where you couldn’t go anywhere on foot, they were able to go everywhere! Walking revolutionised their life! I expected that but I expected honesty, respect for authority and obedience too. I wonder if I simply gave them too much autonomy, too quickly. School was not my thing and I made it clear that they would succeed or fail on their own. I would not tolerate complaint, blame, neglect of duty or attacks on the family foundation. G and E understood and agreed. Responsible attention to study was important at school (as it was in home learning) and the maturity to stand on one’s own moral Christian feet was evident, or so we thought.

G was placed in grade 10 and E eventually landed in grade 9 at the Christian school. G jstarted off well, willing to learn, study and grow in the Christian school environment but it didn’t take long before disillusionment set in. Her Christian people up until then were honest, wholesome, loving and wise. We talked extensively about the fact that Christians don’t always believe, think and act the same way. They knew, or should have, that Christian people are imperfect sinners and that the only difference between a believer and a pagan, in his heart, is knowing it! 

Christian school as a first experience outside of the home learning environment hurt my girls.  In the first month it became very clear why we had kept them home. Out home is superior in every way!

 S had warned them about this and his experience was helpful but it was not enough to inform me. Maybe I was stubbornly hanging on to an ideal. Maybe it was my direction and  plan, not God’s. I don’t think so. I sought the Lord for months on the matter and I know that He wanted them there.

However,  staff and teachers disappointed us.  They should have been better. We experienced inconsistent, unkind and punitive behaviour. The girls would have succeeded because the adult expectations  were near, clear and honest. Sadly, they were not. Kids are smart! Young adults 14 - 18 years of age are more than smart. They are brilliant. 

At this stage of life, everything is worth examination. Everything (body, intellect, passion, spirituality, wisdom, knowledge, skill, preference....everything human) is growing like the infant years. In this new coming alive, every effort to live openly and honestly before God and man is rewarded, and the excitement and zeal for life is encouraged. This is true in a healthy parent/child relationship. As fill-in parents it ought also to be true of our teachers and the schools in which they congregate.  Every person in the school relationship is responsible for the social, emotional, psychological, spiritual and physical growth of the young people assigned to their care. Indeed, this is true of any relationship between people of different ages, skills and life-knowledge. Many of the people that the girls rubbed shoulders with appeared, sadly, to dislike their students. They expected the youth to respond to conflict, aggression, issues and needs the same way as the adults did. They expected from these brilliant, lovely people what can only be known once one has lived through  the experience, loss or suffering of sin in the world: righteousness, a faithful, not fearful response and attitude based on the facts of God’s Word. They expected them to live like mature adults, but did not respect them as anything but children. Instead of looking for every bit of kindness, aptitude, leadership or Christian example and cheering them on to bigger and better, mature life by affirmation and congratulation, they acted like the Youth must be captured, subdued, and forced to accept the status quo.  By default they would then stay within the lines, like in the colouring books. They would also arrive at the graduation destination as copies of the same person, a product of the school. Autonomy is a threat to this kind of leadership. Christian school leadership is as guilty of this careless, mean-spirited manner as any public school, we soon discovered.

In spite of the short-comings, G and E stayed in school. E studied and applied herself to the task of school Education without giving her life away to the place. She saw  the system for what it was, only slightly more than child care, seemingly content to reproduce the same person over and over. She refused to be a part of the wheel. E was her own wheel. She encouraged and affirmed her peers to grow and be the person that God called them to be. G was not so inclined. 

Sadly, G responded by “trying to be good” and doing what she thought necessary to win the love and respect of the School Adults. She was in trouble All The Time. She asked hard questions and was called a problem when the Adult wouldn’t or couldn't answer. her.  Her creativity spilled out freely and generously, and was criticised by the Adults for being moody, out of bounds and not worth sharing. Her sense of right and wrong was well developed and she flaunted that muscle often, landing her in the defiant, won’t-accept-authority camp. Her opinion (well thought out, intelligent and pushing the envelope towards fullness of life) was judged, corrected and buried. She was publicly shamed at school as well. Once is too often, really. My dear, sensitive, happy G was a frequent target for shame and ridicule because she challenged the status quo. I challenge my People and my World the same way. I’m a little better at discussion and argument, simply because I have more experience. She is gifted with the ability to speak, teach and persuade. Instead of helping her to her best self, school damaged her and changed her life. She went from confident intelligence with the ability to assess and correct her environment,  to being a doubtful agnostic, maybe even atheistic in her response to the  world. I think, but I’m no expert, that because the Adults in her school were the same Bible Believing, Born Again Christians that she attended church with, she was confused and eventually developed a distaste for all things Christian. She tried on every thought that came her way, tossing her onto many theological rocks and separating her from those who really loved and accepted her. Joy, humour, intelligent conversation and pleasant demeanour gave way to fear, sadness, self protection and a surly stubbornness that kept her alone and locked up. She was angry and full of fear, in spite of the loving home and intentional parenting that she grew up with. The school was not a place of loving nurture, like our home was. The people there betrayed her trust and devotion, and turned her away from the God that they claim to worship. She was utterly miserable. She gave up more than once, even considering suicide as an option. I don’t want to admit it, but I think the school failed her. 

Thankfully my dear daughter made better choices, finally, in grade 12, began to face her fears and realised that all that is good comes from God. She began to hear with different ears that our hope is in Christ alone and that He promises power, love and a sound mind. Her tendency to hide away is strong and rarely challenged. She fears ill health, probably because of me and the way I handled this disease in early days.  She reaches out to a friend or a fun experience instead of looking into God’s Word. She fights the world. . She  wanders in and out of love for God, her husband and her daughter. I have accepted this and I’m willing to wait for her to ask me for help. . Every part of me wants to get into her life  but my part is done for now. . I can’t parent her that way anymore. I pray instead.

Hello ladies 

I have a hard time finding something constructive to do and I wonder if I can use some of my time to help you. Digital life makes it easy to share so it is okay that I’m not in your community. My thoughts on how I might be able to help:

I can read, review and critique essays, papers, research, creative writing etc. I can grade for you, if that’s a part of the your learning place.

I can help any student of music study and learn how to read and understand music, listening and theory. I might even be able to help them play their instrument, write a song or prepare for performance. I enjoy music talk with every age and stage and believe that everyone can learn to sing and use their body for rhythm, just by learning to listen. I would be delighted to help.

I’m passionate about the pursuit of the good and the beautiful. Art appreciation and application expands our vision and gives a platform for expression. I want to help your child get inspired and explore the art and creativity that God has put in him. I would encourage and affirm your child’s efforts, and trust him to explore art for the good and the beautiful, through conversation, text or FaceTime, and possibly share their real creations through the post or in-home visits (when/if possible). I would be alongside you, not replace you.

I’m a good listener and can promote discussion and discovery in the learning context. Leading students to good resources, helping to physically locate resources and teaching how to use them is an essential part of every parent’s responsibility. I know how hard it is to do this and I can help. Being able to discuss well, respond well to a challenge and to prove one’s statement/thesis is a higher level skill that’s vital in an informed adult life. I can help.

I’m available to help you learn how to keep your house running. Many homeschool families are comfortable with their learning program or their home-keeping, but not both. I believe that I can help you find a balance that will work for you. Being home many hours of the day, every day, means that your home will show the wear and tear of family life quickly. You will not find a book on home management for the family-at-home lifestyle. No one’s written it yet!  I can help you discover what works for you. I can help you write your own personal, unique My Family At Home management program, and show you how to include everyone in the process. Even the littles can be involved in the running of the home. I can show you how.

I’m a good cook. My skills were practiced and perfected by cooking for 80+ folks of all ages on remote Nootka island with only very rustic equipment, collecting rain water in a gravity-fed system for cooking and cleaning, whilst keeping company at times with cougars, wolves and mice, along with the children and their parents. I have prepared banquet dinners for groups of 120+ with the smallest collection of inexperienced staff and cooked for kids’ camps and adult conferences as the head cook, including cooking for special diets. I also had the busy everyday home life of a homeschool mom with babies, teens and dogs to feed as well as a hard-working husband with specific dietary needs. I’ve even learned how to live with only a wood stove, cold running water and 1 long cord for electricity. Being organized, frugal and efficient with food and teaching one’s family to do the same is a passion of mine. I want to show you that you can be organized and efficient too, and I can help you find your style and stride. I want to help you grow in service and in your ability to love others through your service. Most of our time with others is spent at, or very close, to home.  I want  to show you how important it is to create an environment of love, mutual support and value for everyone who crosses the threshold. Then I will help you do it.

God blessed my husband and me with many children, half of whom we will meet in eternity and half who we were privileged to raise. My parenting began with just a hope and a prayer. That firstborn experience was fraught with anxiety at first but God made Himself near and clear, and kept me healthy in mind and body. Even though I had no training or experience for child raising and lots of negative training to unlearn, I grew and became confident in my parenting. I trusted my Heavenly Father to instruct me through His Word and eventually made it my habit to go to Him first with my needs, concerns and fears. 

I believe that God enabled and equipped me, and placed in me the desire of my heart: to raise up godly men and women. They’re imperfect but perfectly loved by our Heavenly Father! We learned together how to rightly divide the Word of Truth, to love God and serve Him, and to love mankind. My children are adults now, 4 sons and 2 daughters age 22 to 36. They understand the depth of man’s depravity and the lengths to which a person will go to cover up, excuse or rationalize sin, and they know the good news of Jesus Christ our Saviour, the solution that frees us from bondage to it. We learned together how sin hurts us and how it grieves our Father.  We learned to be honest, own our sin, repent, and receive forgiveness. We also learned to forgive others, as Christ has forgiven us, and learned how to offer and receive grace.

I think that this isn’t something that can be taught with a curriculum. Understanding God’s call on our life and living life worthy of the calling to which we were called begins with the desire to know Christ. In our house we call it “the want to”. When you want to know, Jesus shows you: He is the curriculum. We are to know Him, to be like Him. Parents are the vessel that brings the child to Him, over and over again, showing the child who Jesus is and tutoring until the child is grown. When we live the at-home lifestyle we have an abundance of time with our children. Thank Him! The task seems too much sometimes but God is able! Trust Him! Remember His promises! He is the author and the finisher of our faith! 

I’m so glad that I have the Holy Spirit to guide and direct, and that I have His inerrant Word. Counting on the facts of the Gospel and all that we are offered in Christ, we live by faith. I want to help you and your family learn and grow together to develop a righteous response to sin in the world, living by faith, not by fear. I want to help you get on your way with near and clear instruction from The Word. I consider it a great honour to be allowed to offer counsel in this way.

I thank God every day for my children and pray that He will keep them safe and secure in the palm of His hand. I’m confident that I can advise, encourage and counsel you in raising up your children, as God’s workmanship, glorifying Him with their lives. I can help you to find your unique voice and position as a parent, a Shaper of Lives, and facilitate the building of the strong foundation necessary to live boldly for Christ.

Making music is good for the soul. How do you describe what “not” doing it is like? I have instruments that I know and understand, and I can sing a bit. I hope that practice will strengthen my diaphragm and my singing will improve. That encourages me. However, I have a great need to play an instrument. I sing better, and it’s fun to make music come from a thing! Guitar or dobro can be played with the arm and hand above the strings. Dobro is made for it and I quite enjoy playing, but I don’t have one. My guitar is languishing in the closet, daring me to play. I will have to learn how to tune to a key. If Joni Mitchell can do it I suppose I can. I could use a slide thing (I used to have a glass one that I put on my pinkie but it’s disappeared) and I have an idea of how to play chords, but my understanding is truly minimal. My mandolin and violin are going to be passed on to my children. 

I am so awfully sad (anguished..) that I can’t play. When I first asked about playing violin I was a university music student and I was told that I was too old. I was 18. She could have explained that she meant that my ability to excel was limited by the maturity of my muscles. If I’d known that it was just a body thing I would have taken it on anyway. I’m still in love with the music of the violin. I was happy to find that fiddle community welcomes all ages and abilities, and I’m very grateful that I had the opportunity to learn from many fine musicians in both the classical and folk communities. I have always loved the emotion in fiddle music. Is there anything that the fiddle can’t sing? One of the few times that I sat to watch tv was to see Don Messer’s Jubilee. The songs were easy to find on my accordion and I enjoyed the challenge. Playing the fancy chord fills was something to behold lol! A few folk/country singers appealed to me, too, but limited access made it hard to learn. Records were a waste of time and money in my family;no amount of pleading ever changed that. 

I still enjoy listening to the country music of the 60s and 70s. Actually, I guess my interest is wider than an era or genre. Good music happens in every genre and decade, don’t you think? I wanted a guitar so I could play and sing like the professionals. There was a guy at school, Tom Wilson, who was really entertaining, singing and playing guitar. I never saw him after he graduated, but I thought about him because he never wavered in his commitment to being a professional musician. It was exciting to realise that he had found the success that he was pursuing, and that he eventually got his life together without drugs. His music is sometimes too much for me. It gets loud and busy. I listen to his band (it is maybe not his band? No matter...)Blackie and the Rodeo Kings . What are your favourite Blackie and the Rodeo Kings songs? I have not been taken with any particular one. I’d be able to name it if I really like it, though who knows these days. Words and I fight often. Names are the worst. If it’s been a while since we talked, be kind lol. I might need a gentle hint to get my memory caught up with the present! This is a phenomenon of older age, for sure, and it will happen to you too. I can’t say that I am accustomed to being old before my time but I try to be light hearted about it. My condition is unusual and rare. I love to educate anyone who is interested, so don’t be shy to ask.

Begging for a piano was fruitless, hence the totally uncool accordion. I’m still grateful that my mother lobbied for me. Accordion lessons took me to grade 6 Conservatory. Honestly! I played exams up to grade 6 level and then put my accordion away in favour of the trumpet. An older friend played so I decided that it wasn’t too weird for a girl to play. I turned out to be pretty good at the trumpet and eventually played it in every band that I had time for, including the local youth orchestra. My class was the first for our teacher. She was a very good teacher and inspired us to work hard, empowering us to reach higher than we ever thought we could. She helped me with extra tutoring to play the grade 6 and grade 8 exams. Every aspect of the exam was exciting for me. Ear training, sight reading and theory were food to me! The music, all music, became more and more vital to my life and health. I touched every kind of music that a North American would hear, and some world music too. The music of the Christian Church was very dear to my heart back then but I was not exclusive. Jazz was very exciting and everything from the baroque era spoke to me of the greatness that mere humans can reach, creating some of the best music I’ve ever heard. Is it too opinionated to say that it is the best music ever written? I have not listened to the new “classical” music so it’s possible that I’ve missed some. Tell me about it, will you? 

That young teacher saved my life. She believed in me and my ability to make music, and she was always encouraging. She helped me explore and find what I was capable of but,  most important, she made me aware of the inherent value of life, my life, and assured me that I would not always be shy, insecure and physically awkward. She was right, of course, except that I am still very shy. I still use strategies that she taught me. Most of my adult friends likely don’t even know that I’m shy. During the part of my life that I was playing, performing and teaching I was never without my instruments. The instrument is what made me bold. I am not a great guitar player but when I am playing and singing I am (almost) fearless. The same is true of every instrument that I have tried, and I’ve tried everything. 

I planned to excel at my fiddle (old age should never stop anyone), mandolin and guitar. They work with the voice and lean into the folk/country/old time music that I love. Swing too! Carrying a piano is too hard (I eventually acquired one and developed skill up to grade 6, enough to play along with a vocalist, find melodies and their harmony and teach general music skills to my kids and whoever else dared to learn with me) and piano players are everywhere so I figured I’d do the other stuff. Every song wants a different sound so the variety was really handy. I played Irish whistle, low and high (thanks Sandy! You will never know the depth of love and joyful celebration to which you brought me while learning that real music is in me not on the page...), bodhran, middle eastern drum and many other percussion things along with the accordion and the strings that I loved. I also learned how to sing with my real voice (Pharis Romero, oh my... I am so glad to have met you and I am privileged to have worked with you for a brief but brilliant while. It’s fun to say “I knew you when..” and it’s exciting to watch you and Jason grow, getting well-deserved recognition.) as well as how fun and easy it is to sing harmony. 

I learned so much from so many that I can’t begin to list them all. Some folks became good friends (Bev, Amber, Ed, Paula, Tracy, Philip, Mo, Edna,Mitch, Mercedes, Dave...) that I played with often and learned from. Some of the luckiest folks enjoyed my music enough to put me in the band (Bob, Guy and Barrie. It was great fun to be the only girl in the band..) and many new-to-me friends joined me in performance at the numerous workshops I attended. Oh, just in case you have never attended a week or two full immersion programme for learning and performing your music, do it now! I am a perfect example of what can happen “later”. I dropped off the musical earth for a long time, thinking that my kids needed my undivided attention. I was wrong. They didn’t need me that much, at least not the 20 years I gave them. Yes, I have a lot of kids, and I was extremely busy with them, but I am a better person with music in my life. I would have been a better, happier person, a better partner and a much better parent had I stayed involved with the thing that had always filled me. 

My friend must have understood this, something that I was not quite aware of. She convinced me that yes, I did have an extra $50 and I had to go to the class.  I found the house, walked in and met my people! I was so comfortable in the music environment, learning and growing in all aspects of life,that I refer to that 4 years as my university education. Shyness disappeared! I felt like I could do anything! Music flowed from every part of me. My intention to Be The Musician That God Made Me began to happen at that class. I soon began jamming with the locals, playing and singing at church and performing at the odd open mic where nerves tempted me to believe I couldn’t do it. Opportunity to play and learn was everywhere. I loved it. It was rich and full. It was how life should be. 

I am grateful that I had this opportunity and a supportive family encouraging me. My plan for my older age, the age when my kids were grown and flown, was to continue playing, singing and learning while travelling with my husband to festivals all over the continent. Going south in the winter and north in the summer appealed to both of us. John likes camping (and me!) so he would tolerate the music. I wanted to experience the music, meet people and keep learning. At the end of the day I would be happily alongside my beloved. What could be better!? I even had him considering my favourite summer workshop (NimbleFingers. Check it out!). It was all planned. I turned 50 and by the time I was 55 we would be able to carry out our happy retirement plan. 

But it didn’t happen. It was soon after turning 50 that I knew that not all was well with me. I was making mistakes that just shouldn’t happen. My hand hurt, then my elbow. When my shoulder started disagreeing with my violin I got worried. I rested, saw the local bone doctor and rested some more. In fear and trembling I asked my go for a basic neurology test. It was worse than I thought. A diagnosis was a long, fretful time coming and it hit with a bang, knowledge with potential to kill. It would not kill me but I would wish it did. I would not live to see 60. Do my bucket list. Write to my people. Etc. I’m thinking, how bad could it be? Maybe he’s wrong. I can handle it.

Well, it’s bad. It’s worse than the warnings. I have wished to be done. I had no bucket list. Playing music was what I wanted to do and it was not very long before I could not perform. Soon, I could not hold down a string, no matter what I tried. In the first year I had to quit working because I kept falling. By the anniversary of the diagnosis I was barely moving. Playing music was impossible. The next year I needed help with every-day personal care. Then my body began to really argue. The twisting affect of wrong messaging turned my foot so badly that I could not walk. And while this was happening I was suffering greater loss of self than I thought possible. Circumstances forced us to sell our property and return to our prairie home. I was sad for my beloved.He loved that place. I expected that the end  was near and that my husband would find his way back to the island, so I was comforted. I was wrong again!

The story has become too long but with one thing and another I am still here. I’m still sick but I can walk, talk, swallow food and open my hand enough to pick things up occasionally. I can sing a bit! I need a lot of help and when I’m discouraged I remember how much better I am, and I’m grateful. I have a few friends that I can call on, and more that I know are cheering for me. My kids have grown into wonderful, happy adults and parents, and my husband is still my biggest fan. We love our neighborhood and our community. I’m thinking about trying to play music again. With help, who knows...