The ability to understand things is a great gift. It's also a burden. When I think I should'get'something and I don't it perks and irritates until I do. This morning it occurred to me that this idea of knowing is kind of arrogant. Why do I think I should know everything? How do I qualify? It's impossible yet I still ponder.
That makes me really wonder.
I lived a healthy life. Why did I get sick? Isn't healthy living the answer to long life?
God says all things work together for good. How does my suffering work good?
Sickness and death is part of the curse of sin. He uses the curse to bring about his good things?
We all crave perfection but we don't live in the garden anymore. On earth we will never get there. To get me more into his perfect likeness, he is able, in his sovereignty, to use every part of my life to do it. That means, then, that he uses this disease along with all of my other life experiences. I'm okay with that but I don't get it. How is being sick and dieing useful for my growth? I'm available - no choice there- but I'm afraid. I just can't rest with the lack of knowing.
I want to live well, even as I'm dieing sooner rather than later. I want to grow and learn and be useful, just like I always have. I want days full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. What is next after wanting? I'm guessing it's still a matter of 'wait and see what God will do'. Wait training. Ha.
I'm very glad to know God loves me. How awful this road without him.
Those 305 times... were said to persons who were very much afraid. This is not a command to not be afraid. This is an invitation to give it up. We live in fear constantly, and this constant reminder to give in.. to learn from fear... to give over to God the things only He has control over. "Fear not... you believe in God..." is similar to Christ's words to Thomas when he invited him to test his unbelief against Christ's evidence. Here, we are invited to do the same; to not fear but learn from what we know to be true.... what we have proven true in our relationship with God.
ReplyDeleteBless you Kimberly