Words left unsaid. Angry in parting. Mistrust, disrespect, mean.
I'm guilty. People around me are guilty. Even while I try to be kind and loving it can be twisted to look bad on my character. I never know how this happens but what's worse I don't know how to change it.
I don't want to spend my time at odds with People. People hurt me and I lash out, not knowing I'm hurting back until it's to late and then it's a battle of wills. And blame. Oh I hate blame. Owning fault is good. Casting blame? Never. And I do it.
Life is too short for this but I can't fix it all and that makes me very sad.
Before I die I want my people to know they are loved and forget the bad times.
Grace vs Guilt
ReplyDeleteI am guilty.
These three words are a trap because they contain evidence that was true, and use that to ensnare you in condemnation. These three words are cancelled by one word; Grace.
You see, “Guilty” means wrong has been done and done by you. It is a gift that we can know that we have wronged others, else how would we know that hurt was the outcome of our actions? It is gift also to know that we are not perfect and the outcome of that knowledge can be humility.
It is not good to go hurting other people, but isn’t it good to know that when we do, we are gifted with the knowledge of our wrong, and as children of God, have a deep well of Grace on which to draw?
To feel condemned is simply non-constructive.
To feel ashamed is to know that we need to find that well of Grace… again… and draw from its waters and use it to heal the hurts. Shame is the knowledge that I am not God, that I do make mistakes. Its gift is humility, and only in humility can I reach out to my broken world and heal the hurts.
I am a Child of God
I have guilt, but am not guilty
I have shame, but am not condemned
I have Grace
I can enter the Holiest of Holies
In His Name
Amen
God Bless you Kimberly
I'm thinking more in terms of damages. That is, if I'm responsible for hurt caused to another I want to turn it to peace if I can. People are not as gracious as God is.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the grace reminder. I need that.
I confess I got stuck on the three words, but that is because I perceive the rest to be products of those three. Grace is given not only when we give back in humility, but also when we refuse to carry what does not belong in the "backpack". As you turn to face your mortality, you have begun an inventory of what you will take with you and what you will leave behind, and since you are taking with you nothing other than what you arrived with, it the question really is, then “what can I be responsible for?”
ReplyDeleteThe issue of people not being as gracious as God is, is out of your control.
These people who love you, who you perceive are absorbing abuse from you, are and will have to deal with your passing on their own terms, and you must know from your own experience, how little the immediate discomforts are compared to the pain of loss once death does come. Don’t ascribe more to your backpack than you can carry with you.
Their pain is like this: Rest your hand on the water until the water is still. Then plunge it quickly in. That void left by your hand will quickly fill, a vortex that sucks the surrounding water and air back in behind it, till it explodes, splashes, ripples out, and eventually subsides. Your birth in reverse. You have to rest in that event… that passing into your Father’s arms the same way you rested on your birthday with others running about, cheering, calling out to family, neighbours and friends in joy… then setting into quiet.
You were helpless about that, and will be helpless again, resting only in your Fathers arms.
God Bless